The Complicated Process of Discovering Birth Parents

My Aunt Jodie sent me an article with the headline "I did Ancestry.com DNA submission and now I need psychiatric therapy." It's funny because it's the truth. For as simple as finding my biological mother was... discovering my biological father was the exact opposite.

My biological mother told my siblings about me, when I found them it was like being reunited with the best lost things ever.

Now I cite, Newton's Third Law: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Let's go back, to 1980. My father was 12. His mother, who has since passed on, told him that it was unlikely he could possibly father a child. He was too young. She signed the adoption papers on his behalf and they never spoke about it again.

There's a bit more to the story than just this, but only this is pertinent for today.

Fast forward to January 2019, I log into my ancestry.com account and see the name Jodie Brown (close match). I know the name because my biological mother Tammy told me my father's name and his sister's name.

I messaged her and say "I think I am your niece based on the similarity match." She replies, saying this is actually my father Tom Brown's DNA .... forgetting that my father's full name was Tom Brown Jr. I am confused. She proceeds to say I think your my father's niece. I didn't know that Tom Brown Sr was alive so after some short confusion and I bring up some of the facts my biological mother had shared, she seems pretty dumbfounded. Ultimately, it was "we never knew that it was his baby. My mom always thought he was too young."

Over several months Jodie and I got to know each other better. She shared my details with her dad and they both discussed how to tell my biological father Tom.

Tom is married with no additional children. Him and his wife are both school teachers in Florida. Considering that they had never had children and he had no idea about my existence I knew that this ancestry reunion would not be the same as my first.

I will say I found it really entertaining that both of my biological mother and father work in education. Sometimes genetics triumph over environment.

I still have not met or spoken to my father. There are obvious reasons why I have tried to take this slow. I don't want to upend his life, or upset his relationship with his wife. Most 12 year olds don't have their mistakes pop into their lives unannounced 37 years after the fact, so I try to keep that in mind.

I have made friendships with my Aunt Jodie, my Aunt Cherie and my Uncle Nate. Cherie and Nate are siblings from another mother, who lives in Girard. My Uncle Nate lives in Girard and we've been able to meet and hang out a bit. I am looking forward to meeting Jodie and Grandpa Tom in August when they come to Pennsylvania.

I am hopeful that someday I will get to meet Tom and his wife. So, Happy 1st Father's Day! From your 37 year old daughter. Hoping that I don't cause therapy for you or your wife.

Here's a fun comparison to how similar we look: