Flashback to 25 years ago: My mom, "When you are sad, you need to think about all the people who are worse off than you. Count your blessings."
What my #autistic brain heard: "Stop complaining about your pain, it isn't as valid as everyone elses. They have it worse."
Regardless of what my mom's intention was. Regardless of whether this was #toxic #positivity.
It changed the way I would view life's challenges for the rest of my life. She didn't say this once, she said this many times because that is what her mom told her too. #generationaltrauma
But that isn't what this post is about. In a few days it will be the anniversary of the day my mom died. There is a student in my 12th grade speech class that was born on the day she died. It has been an entire person's lifetime since I heard her voice. As I reconsider my last 18 years, I realized that she had died before that time.
I am going to suggest a term and explain something I have been been considering for a while as I have been reflecting on my life and my mom's which were both full of #trauma and #resilience
I believe my mom committed #slowsuicide
What is slow suicide?
It is when someone's altruistic nature provides them with the perfect excuse to never care for themselves.
What does it look like?
When a person doesn't seek medical care even when they don't feel well, because they prioritize caring for someone else. It's cancelling those yearly check ups and not priorizing their own personal health. It's never going in for routine bloodwork. It's never seeing the doctor because you already know there will be criticism and you feel fine. It's the little things that a person does, who has given up on actually living - when they are just going through their daily routine and ignoring the obvious signs that something is wrong.
Who does it effect?
People without support networks. Single parents. Those with disabilities. Those caring for people with disabilities. People who are at an economic disadvantage. And many more...
Look around...
I can guarantee if you look around, you know someone doing this. You know young woman, who takes care of her kids plugging away without asking for support. You know a young man, taking care of his ailing father and that is all he has time for: work and caretaking. You know a grandmother who is caring for her grandchild because some tragic event has left the child without parents. You know a cousin who is suffering from addiction, while the spouse tries to support the family on a single income and is holding in all the emotions of the world on their shoulders.
If we want to prevent #suicide we need to look deeper into the #trauma that causes it and identify the family, friends and colleagues who are suffering in silence. #slowsuicide is how one ends up with a terminal illness because they neglected to care for themselves regularly over time. When one burns the candle at both ends, there is no candle that remains.
I know that this post is leagues outside of my comfort zone when it comes to sharing, but I am hoping the #vulnerability that I share today helps save a life. And as Bréné Brown puts it, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.”
