It’s been several weeks since I have been able to write due to my current workload, working a full-time and three part-time jobs has really started to take a toll on my mind. Oddly, my body is doing alright. I’ve lost a little weight, which is the long term goal but I haven’t really been as tired as I normally am. It seems that my body has adjusted to six hours or less of sleep. We shall see if it keeps it up the rest of the ten weeks.
I’d like to say I am focused on the task at hand, and I am doing well doing everything I do but that would be a lie. I keep making mistakes, all over the place and I am starting to think that I am not strong enough to handle my own schedule. I rarely see my own daughter anymore besides on the weekends. I am sure my own father felt this way having to work long hours, day after day only seeing me for moments. He did that all so that my family could prosper, I find myself in the same boat. It is so hard to work all day for people/pets and not get to enjoy time with them. I took some time off of my regular job in September and that ended up ruining my record of never having missed a deadline and to make it sting just a little more – it occurred with two classes.
I’m very frustrated with my day job, I like to think I can do it very well but then I make dumb mistakes and I question whether I am in the wrong field altogether.
What I really want to do is teach for a University full-time but without that Ph.D. I am stuck where I am.
This economy is a killer and I’ve been thinking a lot about getting rid of things I hold dear just to pay off the debt. I am terrible with money it seems no matter how hard I try, I am still in the hole. I suppose it’s because I spend money on things because I feel I should be justified to have nice clothes at minimum at all of my jobs. Or because I don’t know my own limits, either way I need to find means to get out of the hole.
Any suggestions? I have already contemplated the obvious, drop it like it’s hot and disappear. I guess I am looking for a more tangible response where I don’t destroy my entire credit history.