I spent a lot of 2011 looking for happiness in my life. I did a lot of things to try to find it. I read sections of many Buddhist books. I took a step back and tried to change my perspective on many things. First, my job, for example, there has been an extremely low working morale. I believe this didn’t happen over night, in fact many changes came about and more than fifty employees in my department transferred, quit for better opportunities, moved to other cities where other jobs were waiting for them. I sent out over 100 curriculum vitas to try to find a better opportunity myself.
I have tried to overlook the lack of not finding a single full-time job and only scoring less than half a dozen interviews as a sign that there must be some reason - I am not supposed to leave this job. This was one of the most discouraging things to find out. I have found numerous part-time faculty positions, which have brought a lot of light to my situation but at the same time feels more like a tease of what I really want in life.
Despite my lack of success in finding another job, I tried to find positive in what I do daily. I recently helped senior management on a small team, develop core values for our department and I am hoping to help initiate more change but corporate America moves slower than a turtle and my patience is dwindling.
So with my heightened work load and higher income – I have felt a lot more like we should be living a higher quality life but this more expensive lifestyle has not brought me any happiness. Instead, I have found myself more disappointed because I keep comparing my own life to others who have it better than me. What a waste, I know this is completely against how I should be behaving but yet, it’s this hurdle I can’t seem to pass.
“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” -Oprah Winfrey
My relationship with my husband has taken a turn for the better, which is something I have been very happy about – yet I still feel like I’m the flat tire in the relationship… slowing everything down. If I could somehow not let life’s negativities distract me from what really matters I think my perspective of life would be more positive. Overall, what I did manage to learn in 2011 is that while looking for happiness, the things that made me the happiest … weren’t past my own front door.
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~Frederick Keonig
My resolutions for this year are to focus on becoming more positive through recognizing the gifts that I already have and appreciating them while I still have them.